One of the biggest challenges of growing up as a first gen Filipino-American was the distance of living far from family over in the Philippines. Pending where you lived, the travel time and costs limited the visit cadence. Growing up in Florida with the only blood relatives being second cousins up in the north east and west coast, my siblings and I never really had the cousin play dates or holiday reunions. That however didn’t mean we were alone.
My father worked on a cruise line for years where him and his coworkers ended up moving to the USA afterwards. He still stays in touch with them. My mother went to nursing school in the Philippines and later on her and most of her classmates immigrated to work for hospitals in the USA. And you best believe, they still stay in touch. The biggest blessing of both mom and dad’s eternal friendships was the opportunity to grow up with their friends’ kids since the dawn of time. I’m actually the youngest of the mix which means everyone pretty much can remember when I was born. And although we never had cousins or aunties/uncles near us distance wise, this feeling in our hearts of longing for family to live close by never felt empty.
I’m here today to honor a long time friend of my parents’, my mom’s college classmate, a rad dad, fly guy, fun uncle and someone who we considered as family— Tito Otil Velasquez.
So many family summer trips, holidays, the parents’ college reunions, dinners, birthday parties, weddings, baptisms, the list goes on of all the memories our families shared together. The guy was a rose for mine and my sisters’ debuts. From birth to debuts and weddings, Tito Otil and Tita Tess and their kids were always around.
Attending the funeral mass was so emotional and surreal. To see faces we haven’t seen in so long, listening to heartfelt eulogies, wiping away tears, and giving hugs to family, it was an opportunity to celebrate Tito Otil’s life and cherish his impact in our lives.
The Velasquez family allowed friends and family to pay tributes and commemorate his journey, my mom being one who shared her reflection. And here’s the story I wanted to share: I’m 17, I got my first car had my drivers license which meant one thing- my parents could travel because they don’t have to worry about bringing me to school. They booked a trip to Spain, and looking back I must have been a decent kid if they trusted I would show up to school LOL. But either way, a week without them or anyone in the house with the dogs and I felt scary. I called the Velasquez parents who lived close by if I could stay with them until my parents got back; and they opened the doors with their arms wide. We watched TV, ate dinner, enjoyed ice cream together. I honestly felt like I was on vacation. This was the time where my mom wasn’t as creative with her cooking as she is now, so when Tito Otil made Sinigang (Filipino soup) I looked like a kid at a candy shop. I stayed there the whole week and when my parents were coming home, I did too. I texted Tita Tess and Tito Otil a big thank you and that we would be in touch. I’ll never forget Tito Otil calling me after I texted to check in and to make sure I was okay. When I reassured him mom and dad had no flight changes and the schedule is on track he said, “Ok. Great to hear. Don’t worry, I’ll send them their bill for your room rate and food.” This is the funny uncle I’ll always remember.
Even a few weeks ago at a wedding we were all at, the parents were having a field day watching us kids go back up to the bar every 15 minutes. They were even asking us to get their drinks and I had the fun of drinking beers with the dads including Tito Otil.
Growing up Filipino also meant the privilege and chance for throwing or attending a debut. Justin Velasquez was my dance partner for my sister’s party and later on became my debut escort for my birthday. When Tito Otil and I shared a dance because he was one of my roses, I literally still remember telling him, “thank you for Justin.” Because Justin grounded me during the worst of debut prep, was the best dance partner, tutored me in math for two years, and overall was raised as a kind hearted man. I felt the same about Joey and Jaimie— they were just as wonderful. Justin doesn’t know that my heart shed a couple tears when he introduced me to his fiancée as, “The friend who was my dance partner.” Because although time has passed since some of these birthdays and summers, these are memories we’ll never forget. Tito Otil and Tita Tess gave me a life long friend and bonus a talented debut dance partner.
I look back and remember thinking how amazing my parents’ friends are especially my mom and her college friends are as people. I really do believe, “There is a magnet in your heart that will attract true friends. That magnet is unselfishness, thinking of others first; when you learn to live for others, they will live for you” because my mom and her college classmates especially Tito Otil live this out everyday. And I only hope and pray that the kids and I keep this legacy and best parts in our hearts about loving our friends and family the way Tito Otil and our parents do.
As your kids said and prayed today Tito Otil, may you rest in peace and delight in the treasure of everlasting joy. Thank you for all the laughs and your kindness.
Jamie Vergara 